Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

My heart races

At an unatural beat

Speeding rapidly

Without delay

I look down

Admiring my work

Loopy and lightheaded

I start cracking up

Hitting the bottle

Spilling the pills

Blades and pills

A perfect delight

Relinquishing me from

Reality

A place of pain

And suffering

Bloodshed

Hate

Into a haze

Of beauty

Passion

Happiness

I finally feel it

I am numb

No feeling

No more pain

No more self hate

No more greed

No more feelings

I look down

At my body

From a higher crown

Ascending

Higher and higher

Mind and soul

Body apart

The paper

Falls out my hand

Hitting the floor

Blood stains

Upon the corners

My once frantic heart

Now calm

Beating slowly

Getting slower

Darkness clouds my vision

Nothing is to be seen

My eyes open

Im back in my prison

Back to reality

The light burns my eyes

The sound of machines

A prominant sound

Stomach pumped

Cuts stitched

I think to myself

Why? Why me?

And plan my next attempt

To enter paradaise.